Challenges.

Soooo.. It's been a while, huh? Well, here's a quick update.

1. Got kicked out.
2. Temporarily staying at a friend's.
3. Found a permanent (kindof) place to stay.
4. Finally leaving it all behind next month.

Honestly, I'm happy right now. I really am. I look at this as a chance to start new. I know it's going to be difficult, but I've accepted that. She thinks that I'm nothing without their support. She's so wrong. So very, very wrong. I know I can't always depend on my friends, but it's good knowing that they are there for me. Even worse, I know I can't always depend on Calvin. But, still. I don't know what I would do without him and his family. I've no idea how to thank them..

I don't know.. I really don't. I mean, I hope this all works out. It just feels like I'm going to become a burden. I'd hate for his parents to think of me in that way.. Ugh. I don't know.

The challenge: Find a job, start school.. Prove to you that I can be successful.

Congratu-fucking-lations.

You finally kicked your daughter out. Are you happy now? Or are you gonna fake some tears this Sunday at church? God fucking shit.

Honestly, I'm happy. I don't have to deal with your stupid shit anymore.

Coffee break.

So, I'm about to go out for the first time in.. Nearly a week. Great stuff, huh? I'm gonna go to Barista's with Sara. I need to talk to her about some things. Bleah. I dunno. I don't feel like going out. But I think I have to. Or at least, Calvin would want me to.

Anyways, let's just see how today goes.

106.

That's how many movies I have on my external HD.

LOL. I'm bored. Dad also gave me this pink external just for my pictures. Out of 286GB, I've already used up about 35GB. Awesome. That's in a span of four years, though. I haven't been taking pictures lately. Well, not since my trip to Minnesota.

Oh, so.. I think I'm gonna go out tomorrow. I might go out to eat with Chiara. Maybe.

Why maybe? That woman was pissed because I didn't want to go to church today. Know why I didn't want to go? Because I'm questioning my own fucking faith. Maybe I just need to lay off of the freaking religion for a bit. Know what she says? "Are you ashamed to go to church now?" Bull fucking shit. Sure, I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed to go to church with her. Bitch ass cunt.

That doesn't mean I'm ashamed of going because I haven't gone in a while. No. I just don't want to show up with her and be her little bitch. She's gonna fucking talk to me like nothing fucking happened. Fuck that noise.

Ugh. It doesn't help that she claims that she "owns the house" and I have to "follow her rules." Swear, I'm gonna move out. I don't know when, but I will.

Oh. She doesn't want me to go out or have people come over. Guess what? That's not gonna happen. Especially since Calvin may be coming here next month.

I don't know. Sara says we can stay at her place.. But I don't want that. It's not that I don't like her house or her family - I love them dearly. I just hate being a burden, you know? I want to be able to take Calvin out and such. And I don't want to end up using Sara's car for that. I'd rather drive that ugly truck.

Eh.. I'll see what happens.

iPod.

I actually did something today. Can you guess? Haha. Maybe. Well, I updated my iPod. I also ate more than I have these past couple days. Not exactly healthy eating. But, I ate.

Mom came into my room today. Told me to call my Uncle and stuff. All I said were two words to her. Lmao. "What?" and "'Kay." Since we're talking about her anyways.. I don't want to go to church with her anymore. I've taken a liking to just relaxing on Sundays.. Ugh. I miss Minnesota.

Oh, yeah. So, I guess you're wondering what I've been doing these past couples days. Maybe. Mm.. Nothing, actually. I wake up, text Calvin, eat (sometimes), go back to bed, use the computer, watch movies, webcam with Calvin, and sleep. Andd.. With a little bit of crying in between.

Bleah. I can honestly say that I'm a mess right now. I haven't gone out once since I've come home. Not including my orientation. If I had a choice, I wouldn't have gone to that.

Hopefully, I get to see Calvin soon.. If he does come in August, that's in two long weeks. And it's only been a week since I've come home.

Boo..

First star of the night.

I miss saying that.. Calvin and I used to go out and I would always point out the first star of the night.

I remember eating a banana split outside on Calvin's porch..

Man.. My last night in Minnesota, Calvin and I went to Brimhall (his old Middle School or maybe it was Elementary) and we just hung around the playground for a bit.

I miss that so much..

It hurts..

I can't do this. I'm always waking up at this time now. I miss Calvin so much..

Dear God,

Why?

Why do You have to do this to us?

M.I.A.

Ohhhh man. It's been a while, huh? Well, I'll keep it short and sweet.

I FINALLY MET CALVIN WOO.

Man, June 4th - July 10th will ALWAYS be the best days of my life. But, now that I'm home.. I feel like I'm dying. I've cried nonstop since I came home. EVERYTHING reminds me of the time I spent with him. I miss him so much. I never knew it would hurt to the point that I would cry every time he'd say "I miss you." I just think about the amazing time we had together and how we can't have that now. It hurts, you know?

I mean, I don't even want to do anything anymore. I just want to be back in Minnesota with Calvin. Honestly, they treat me as if I were a part of their family. Nothing like my own.

Fuck California.