Never going to happen.

You know, I want to reconcile with my brother. I really do. But after what people have been telling me, hell.. He can be that bitch he wants everyone to see him as.

You say I only come back because my friends get tired of me? No. You're just jealous because you have no friends who actually have your back when you need it most. Oh, you have a boyfriend? AND he has a job? Great. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're completely different from everyone else in the world.

The only reason why I came back is because that whore of a mother wanted me home. Oh? What? Surprised? Yeah. Thought so.

Guess what? Dad wanted me home, too. Ooh.. Hurts, doesn't it? Fuck, man. You say you don't care, huh? So why don't you tell our loving parents that you're gay? Oh, right. You're afraid of rejection. What, are you afraid of what your mommy is going to do? Kick you out? Like she did to me?

So what if I'm 18. Is that the end of the world? It's a good thing I left this fucking house. I would've killed that woman by now. Then what? Mommy won't be here anymore. And you're left with dad. Who, for sure, will not be there for you once he finds out about Paolo. This doesn't mean I'm going to tell them.

Not like all the fucking times you told them about my past mistakes.

You're lucky that I still love you and I support you. Okay, you hate me. It hurts to know that you and I can't go back to how we used to be. Other than that, it's whatever. I find it funny that you hate me for such a stupid reason. You really thought I was trying to make people hate you? That's a whole lot of bull, dear brother.

You say you're going to wait for that time when I need to go to you. That's never going to happen either. I'm not giving you that chance to make me feel like no one cares about me. Know why? Because I know a lot of people who care. Because of all the shit you put me through, trust me, I know. Damn. And I still love you. I must really be one stupid person.

Oh, I'm leaving again. Happy? I'm not leaving because of mom or dad, though. They know about my trip. Enjoy the two weeks without me.

Commence Operation "Little Pop."

AHHHH.

I'm so excited.

Graduation.

I can't believe it. High School's over. Haha. Dangg. I am officially an alumni student from Tracy High.

This morning was.. A little hectic? Haha. I woke up at 6:30.. Got ready and all that jazz. I dipped hella quick at 7. Andd. Guess what? NO PARKING. Lmao! I was like, the hell? I had to park all the way BEHIND the Police Station.

Dude, walking two blocks in wedges was killer on my feet. Haha. Mostly 'cause the day before, I was wearing heels in the grass for the music video and I kindof twisted my ankle. LOL. I don't think I'll be dancing for a while this Summer. Boo. BOO.

Anyways, after the ceremony, I met up with Mama, Uncle Ben and my parents at that Chinese Buffet place. Haha. It was alriiiight. I saw Thomas and his family there.

After thaaaaat, I went home and knocked out. I was TIRED.

I'm still tired. Lmao.

I think it's time to just relax a bit. Yeah.. Just for a bit. Harhar.

Busy day.

Damn. Today was.. Bleah~!

Haha. Woke up at like, 8. Dangg. I was getting ready and cleaning up my room at the same time. That was difficult. Lmao. Well, this morning.. Chiara's family invited me to this spa.. Place. As an early graduation gift, you know? It was SUPER relaxing. Ohh man. I was like, not stressed at all after that.

When I should've been.. LOL.

You see, today was the final scene for our music video, "Wedding Dress." We basically turned it into short film. Haha. Seeing as it will be about 7 minutes long. Before our appoinment, I was texting/calling people. Asking if they were coming today or not. My phone was blowing up. Haha.

After that, I didn't even have a care in the world about how the whole shindig will go. LOL. All bad, huh? Who cares. It's over with.

I picked up chairs from Judel's place and went back home to set up. While I was setting up, I was also dying my hair. LOL. The last few nights, I've been attempting to dye it brown.. Didn't work. Haha. It's 'cause the blonde dye I had didn't want to re-dye the black I had dyed my hair a few months ago. Boo. BOO.

Anyways, people started arriving and whatnot. That was cool. We even had some last minute people come by. Lmao.

OH MAN. I did like, the worst blooper ever. LOL! So.. We were putting the rings on and I had to repeat after the priest.. Guy thingy. Well, Josh. Okay.. So.. He says, "Repeat after me. With this ring. Blahblah." Right? I said, "With this WING."

Oh, God. Embarrassing to the max.

Ahh! No more. Lmao. I'm gonna webcam with Calvin now~ Yay~ YAYY.

'Kay, bye!

What? High School's.. OVER?!

Yes. Yes, it is. No more Tracy High.

Man, all I have to say is.. Wow. High School has been the best four years of my life. I can't wait for what comes next.

Actually, I really can't. Lmao. In the next few weeks, I'll be preparing for my trip to Minnesota. Can you believe it? After nearly 4 long years, I'm finally going to see the love of my life. How exciting.

Mm.. Well, I need to catch up on some sleep. Haha. I got like two hours last night and I'm tired.

Finals - Last day.

YAY. YAYYYY.

No more HIGH SCHOOL Finals. Lmao. I took Chemistry and English today, though. I bombed Chemistry. Bad. LOL.. 'Kay. That's it, bye!

Well, that's it for Finals. I AM DONE. DONEEE.

Haha. So.. After school today, Chiara and I went to Kengo for lunch. Yummers. Then like.. We went home. Haha. Theeeeeen, I bothered mom for money 'cause I wanted to cut my hair. And I did. It's shorter now. And my head looks rounder. LOL.

After I got my hair cut, Chiara and I went to Walmart. I bought.. Make up sponges. And a thingy for my car. And a thin- Headphones. Lmao.

I'm home now. And talking to Calvin.

I'm doing a coffee run tomorrow for Mrs. Zimmermann and Mrs. Ahuja. Haha.

6:30 in the morning!

Finals - Day 2.

Spanish 3 and TA'ingg.

Lmao. Spanish was alright. I think I did fairly we- Ahh. I'm a liar. I bet you, I bombed that, too. Haha. You know? You're taking a test and you're like, "YEAH. I think I did HELLA good." But when you get the test back you're like, "Fuck."

TA'ing was alright. Haha. All Suhrab and I did was walk around the school and file and mail letters. Then, we were all done.. More referrals came in! What is that? Lmao. All bad. Suhrab was like, "Just leave it for tomorrow's TAs." Haha. We did.

I made a rose out of paper. Well, rose cube? It's like a cube.. That TRANSFORMS in a ROSE. WHOAAAA?!

Transformers! Robots in disguise~~~

I never watched the movies. Haha.

Anyways, after school. Allen, Jeffrey, Aaron, and I were finishing up the last few scenes. Chiara was there, too. Haha.

It was alright. I don't feel like talking about it right now. I SHALL SURPRISE YOU WITH THE VIDEO.

It will be posted June 6th. Lmao.

Finals - Day 1.

Holy, maaaaan.

Finals today were ehh. I think I bombed Pre-Calculus. Haha. Boo. BOO. Maybe. Calvin helped me study, so I think I did fine. Haha. Hopefully!

Economics was alright. It was a District Assessment, so it was fairly easy. Cool, cool.

I didn't really do much today. After school, I took Sara, Patrick and Chiara home. Well, Chiara was at my house for a bit. That was fun. Haha. She and I are going to try and hang out everyday before she leaves for Colorado. Mm.. I made milk tea and stuff.

At two, I left for Sara's 'cause we had to re-shoot the fight and letter scene. Once I got there, we were like.. Uh.. YEAH. I suggested we go back to my house because I have more.. "Fighting" space. Haha.

I think this one turned out better than last time. We added cars and falling and running and all that good stuff. Lmao. It was hella funny 'cause we kept trying to get Patrick to run in a serious way. LOL. First he looked constipated.. Then he looked pissed.. Then.. Yeah. Haha.

After we did thaaaaaat. We, uh.. Looked at my backyard. Tryna figure out what to do for the wedding scene. I think we can pull this off, huh? Yeahh. Good stuff.

Anyways, I think.. It's time for me t- OH, YEAH. I'm back home now. It's like nothing happened. Hmm.. I have a feeling the "talk" is going to come up sometime soon. Ahh. Boo.

But, yeah! Time to eat/study/procrastinate. Awesome.

Soap Operaaa.

So.. I'm watching this Chinese soap opera thingy with Sara's parents. LOL. It's kindof interesting. They keep telling me what's happening and stuff. Haha.

So today was pretty chill. Hella laid back, y'know?

But, yeah. I kept knocking out. LOL. Mm.. I took Sara to the mall around 5-ishish. 'Cause she went to go watch a movie with a friend. After I dropped her off, I went to go pick up Traci from Jojo's.

After I took Traci home, I went to go pay my phone bill. THEN. I went back to Sara's. Haha.

I had nothing to do, so I decided to make some milk tea. Yummers.

Now. It is time to study for Finals. STUDY TIME WITH MR. CALVIN WOO.

Coffee pot. Lmao.

Teaser.

I know. I've been posting a lot of videos lately. Haha. Mostly 'cause I don't know what to write about anymore.

ACTUALLY, today was kindof interesting. LOL.

Know how I was talking about going to the carnival thing to shoot a scene? Okay, so like.. What had happen was (Black chick talk. LOL).. But, yeah. So like.. We were doing a scene where Jett had to win me a bear, right? It was this one game where he had to throw darts at balloons. Jett missed ALL three. Lmao! We talked to the guy who ran the booth, though. We pretended that Jett won. But the guy looked at the camera. Ahh! I wonder if people will catch that. Hmm..

Anyways, yeah. We did the fight scene, too. That was interesting. Allen had to push me, but I was caught by Jett. Haha. I just noticed. I'm the one that always had to fall. Like, remember when I did this skit for church? Domestic violence! BJ had to push me while I was defending my son. Lmao. Ughh.

Anyways, I'm actually really tired. Everyone left for Denny's. Mm.. I think it's time to knock out. Maybeee. I'm on the phone with Calvin. Haha.

I'll talk to Calvin. Then maybe knock out.

Zzz..

Gah. I basically stayed up HELLA late last night. Know why? Because of Mrs. K.'s freakin' Menu Assignments. GUESS WHAT? I finished them ALL.

Suck on it, Mrs. K.

I didn't really get to study for Chemistry, though. Calvin knocked out. Oh, weeeeell. I did okay on the test. Lmao.

I was so tired. Even when we were shooting scenes for Wedding Dress. Today, we did the scenes where Jett and I meet and all that jazz. Haha.

Tomorrow, Jett and I are going on a "date" to the carnival thingy by the mall.

How exciting. Kindof. Jett's a bit of a horn dog. GROSS.

Milk tea.

I totally just made some. Andd. It. ROCKS.

Yummy, yum, yum.

Perfect Two.

2,2-Dimethylblahblah.

Organic Chemistry isn't that bad once you get the hang of it. Haha.

Calvin and I have been going at it for about two hours now. I think we're getting it. Kindof. I feel bad, though. It's almost two and he's still up helping me study. Rarar.

Two weeks.

Of school left. God, freaking yes.

I'm wondering, though.. I haven't been doing well in school because of all this jazz with my family. Been dealing with it for a while, you know? Now that college is just a couple months away, I'm like.. Fuck. What the hell have I been doing?

I'm scared. Since my acceptance at San Jose State was conditional, if I end up being rejected because of my grades, I have no where else to go.

Fuck my life.

Side job.

Woke up at two. LOL.

Wooooow. I was so tired because of yesterday. Seven hours of straight shooting. Well, with the occasional sit back and kindof screw around. Kindof. Haha.

We went to the park to film the scene where Allen sees me with Jett. Ooh, baby. What a twist. Haha. After doing that scene, I took some photos of Aaron, Jett, Allen and Patrick. Oh man. They look like a boy band. LOL.

I seriously need to come up with a watermark. 'Cause like, I think I'm getting better at taking photos, right? Possibly. Well, good enough to be considered.. Not amateur. LOL. Also, Allen's been setting me up with clients. $30 bucks per 40 photos. What do you think?

Ehh. I think 40 pictures is hellof.. Unless I do both landscape and portrait for each pose. Lmao. That won't work. Maybe.. I'm still wondering about how this is going to work. Haha. Like, what to do about prints? Or maybe just give them the photos on a disc? Hmm..

Rarar. We'll see. This reminds me, I gotta charge the battery for my camera. Haha.

Whoosh!

Saturday.

Woke up late. Didn't go to Saturday School. Lmao.. Next Saturday, for sure!

We start shooting for Wedding Dress today. I'm excited. I hope it turns out well. I'm trusting in Aaron's hardcore producing skills. Haha. I love that guy.

We used to play Basketball together back in Middle School.

Anyways, I'm hungry. Starving, actually. Food time! Food, food.

The City.

Went to Frisco today! It was totally freaking awesome to the freaking max.

Not really. Well, kindof. Haha.

I'm sore, tired and I just want to knock out. LOL. Let me tell you about my adventure today with Miss Sara Koo. It all started this morning..

We were at the BART, right? So like.. Yeah.. Buying our tickets and walking to the train and yayy. When we got onto the train, this black chick (obviously, she was kindof.. Eh) was talking to herself. Rather, talking to people on the train. They just weren't listening. Lmao. She kept asking me, "Is there really a God, honey? I don't believe in God. Who the fuck in this fucking world believes in fucking God?" Yeah.. She was referring to the cross Co Trang gave me for my birthday. Haha. Those words are italicized because they were hardcore exaggerated. Lmao.

Anyways, half way to San Francisco, this Asian guy sits next to her and says, "What's wrong with you?" And she goes, "I don't want to fucking sit next to a foo' like you." I'm like, whoaaaaa. Don't make eye contact. LOL. He continued to sit there, though.

We got off a couple stops later and ventured out into the streets of San Francisco. Haha. It took us a while to walk from the station to Pier 39. Mostly 'cause I was taking pictures. Lmao. So we got to Pier 39 and I started to take pictures of pigeons. Well.. I was following them around. Can you imagine? An Asian chick with a camera following around a bird. They never flew away, though. They just kept walking around. Haha.

We went into this store for left handed people. It was kindof cool. We went into hella stores. Haha. I actually don't remember them all. We got hungry, so Sara and I decided to eat clam chowder. We left Pier 39 and walked to this one place down the street. While we were eating, we watched street performers and stuff. Yayy.

THIS IS WHEN THE REAL ADVENTURE STARTS..

Sara's like, "Let's go to Market Street. They have all the stores and stuff." I agreed and we were off. Hey, guess what? PICTURE TIME.

Okay. So you guys know the streets of Frisco, right? It's like.. /\/\/\/\/\. Basically. LOL. There were actually more blocks, I just didn't want to add more lines. Haha. The red line is where Sara and I started off. ALL THE WAY AT THE BOTTOM. I was gonna put a big dot, but I forgot. I'll put it on the next one. Lmao. Anyways, the street we were on was Mason. We set off looking for Powell.

We were about there when we realized that Powell.. WAS THE NEXT STREET OVER.

The green line is Powell now. So Sara says, "I think Mason Street is back that way." Back the way we freaking came! So we set off looking for MASON. Think about it..

You guys love my drawings. LOL. But, yeah. We were about THERE when Sara said.. "Wait. My instincts are telling me that we need to go back up there. We're looking for Market, not Mason." EAgjleabgpeabBEAg. So we walked back up.

I'm getting bored of drawing now. SOOOO. Let's just say.. We walked back and forth about four more times after that. LOL.

My legs are going to hurt tomorrow. For sureeeee.

Zoom, zoom.

I'm beginning to have this thing for flying objects.

Strange? I think not.

Spending All My Time.

Last time, promise.

Didn't go to school again.. I had a legitimate reason, though! I didn't do my project. LOL.. I finished it, though. I just gotta memorize my oral. I even finished my powerpoint for English. Yayyy.

Awesome.

Mama Koo!

Allen needed some photos for his fliers 'cause the photos he sent in were all bad. Resolution's too low or some kindof jazz.

After I took their pictures, I knocked out for a couple hours. Haha. I woke up to a dog pile on my bed. Man.. Three guys are HEAVY. It was Jett, Allen and then, Marcus. Ahh! Brutal. They woke me up because they all wanted to go to a buffet. Haha.

So we went to that Chinese one on Tracy Boulevard. It was funny. There were like.. 6 of us. Allen, Jett, Marcus, Sara, Patrick and I. Haha. So like, when we walked in, we were all saying, "Mama Koo! I want an egg roll." And Sara's mom was like, yeah.. These are my kids.

Marcus and Jett were seeing who can eat the most. Jett won at the end. Oh mann. Good stuff. They were eating ice cream (6 scoops each). And like, Marcus was making disgusting noises so Jett can stop eating for a bit. LOL. Jett ended up bending the spoon to hold in his laughter.

Oh man. I haven't laughed like that in suuuuper long. Ugh. I'm so tired now, though. I don't even think I can stay up to do my project.

Time to try!

Mother's Day.

I. Don't. Care.

A.R. Ent.

So.. Today was alright. Allen had an interview, so Sara and I went with him.

Met a new guy. Jeff Avila. I keep wanting to call him Nick for some reason. Haha. Hmm..

Anyways, I'm hella tired. I dunno. It kindof seems like I'm not into anything anymore. I just want everything to be done with, you know? School and whatnot. I kindof just want to drop it and go on with my life.

I'm tryna move to San Jose after I come back from Minnesota.. Or when school lets out. Who knows.

One of those days.

It's my 4th or 5th time leaving the house. Wow..

This time, she can't do shit about it. Right now, I'm staying at Sara's house. Her family says I can stay until school's out.. But, I don't know.

I really don't know.

Three weeks.

Until school is out. I can do it.. Right?

Another month down.

Baby, we're another month closer until we finally get to see each other.

I can't wait to hug you, kiss you, and do everything with you. I love you so much, Calvin. I don't know what I would do without you. I know I can't live without you. It hurts to think about it. You're my world, baby. And I need you in my life.

I'm in love with you, baby. I know I am. I'm so blessed to have you as my boyfriend and my best friend. I know you don't believe in God, but I thank Him for bringing you back into my life.

I love you, Calvin. Always and forever.

Tomorrow.

Will be another month Calvin and I have been together. Man, they're passing by so quickly.

Baby, we're like the moon and the sun - Even though we're apart from each other, you're the light that keeps me shining. I can't wait until we're together; Underneath the same sky.

Cotillion weekend.

Man, the hotel was so much fun. Haha. We played hella games. Like, 10 Fingers, Charades, and Truth or Dare.

10 Fingers was hella fun! I was so close to losing 'cause the game started to get sexual. Lmao! Charades was fun. I had to act out "buying a car." It was.. Interesting. Truth or Dare was AWESOME. We kept making fun of Therese and trying to get her to do something kinky. We even got Leslie to give Dexter a lap dance. LOL.. I think we really loosened her up before the big day.

I remember Jennifer coming out with this long, decorative pillow attached to her crotch. LOL. It was so funny. 'Cause David was pretending to suck it and Christine was taking it from the back. Good stuff, good stuff.

I started to cry while saying my speech that I actually had to stop a couple times. Haha. Booooo. I think I did.. Okay, though. YEAH.

The event itself was really fun. I was so tired after performing. 'Cause like.. We did Tahitian, then right after, it was Hip Hop. I was super hot since I had to put on a jacket for Hip Hop after dancing Tahitian. Danggg.

I hella enjoyed myself. I missed Calvin hella much, though. I didn't get to text him until dinner, but I had to stop again 'cause of our performances.

After the event, we still had time until 10, we were dancing from like.. 8:30 - 9:45-ishhh. I took Jessica, David and Therese home. It was cute 'cause like, as soon as we got onto the freeway, they all knocked out. So I was bored the whole ride home.

Well, kindof. I was texting Calvin. Lmao. He actually kept me up.

As soon as I got home, I basically knocked out. I didn't even change my clothes or anything. Gross. I DIDN'T BRUSH MY TEETH. AHHH.

I brushed for hella days this morning, though. Minty freshhh.

Man, I'm still tired.

As for today..

Allen gave me the script for the music video. We're going to start filming this weekend. How exciting.

Ahhh. Yeah. I'm gonna talk to Calvin now.

Useless..

Calvin's not feeling well and there's nothing I can do about it.. God, it's times like these when I really want to be there with him.

Man.. I'm so selfish, I asked him last night to wake me up this morning. Hell, I even said that I wanted to stay on the phone while he was telling me to get ready.

You know, every time I heard him breathing hard, it hurt me. Knowing that he's sick, and that he trying his best to stay up just to talk to me, I started to cry.. Even when I shouldn't have been.



Someone answer me - Why am I so weak..?